sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
