In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
