im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
