my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
