So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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