I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
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