Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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