I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
