As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Randomize
