i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
