So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
