The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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