She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
