I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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