just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
