Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
