This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
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