I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
