I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
