Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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