why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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