I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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