I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
