Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
