i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
