Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Randomize
