She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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