I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
