i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
