I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
a search helicopter?!
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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