I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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