it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
