your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Im part way to drunk.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
