once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
