im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Panties = found
Randomize
