At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
