she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
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