A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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