your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
