I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
