Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
