So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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