I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
