My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Randomize
