what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
