I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
