whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Randomize
