11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Panties = found
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
