She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
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