after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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